Pie Jokes

[Matimbo]

To get us in the mood ...

Who invented the toothbrush?
A Collingwood fan.
(If it had been invented by anyone else,@
It would have been a teeth brush)@

Eddie has just announced their club fundraiser $3 million lottery.
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years. Tickets sold out in 20 minutes.

Please add yours ...

[smfcjay]

hahaha lmao
here's a couple..

How do you inflict 12 months of acute pain on a Pies supporter?
Buy them a membership for Christmas!

Why do Collingwood fans stink?
So blind people can hate them, too.

[smfcjay]

gotta add these 2 as well

What do you do for a drowning Collingwood player?
Nothing. You could drag him to the top, but he'll choke anyway.

Why did Cinderella run away from the ball?
Because she played for Collingwood.

[GongSwan]

You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.

[Untamed Snark]

18. Your house is on wheels but your car is on bricks

[Untamed Snark]

A truck driver is driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitch-hiking. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride as usually when the driver sees a Collingwood supporter on the road he runs them over. But with a priest in the truck, he wouldn't be able to carry out his favorite pastime.
But being a good bloke, the truck driver decides to pick up the priest and forgo his fun for this one trip.
Just after the priest jumps into the cab they come across a Collingwood supporter hitchhiking.
The diver decides to swerve to avoid the Collingwood supporter but hears a huge "BOOM!"
The driver looks over at the priest, who says, "Don't worry - I got him with the door

[Big Al]

My favourite Pies Joke:

A Collingwood supporter went down to Centrelink to claim welfare after realising she was the only one of her friends - (who were all Collingwood supporters) - who was not on benefits.
"How many children do you have?" the man at Centrelink asked.
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?"
"Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn and Jaidyn," she replied.
"They're all named Jaidyn?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'Jaidyn,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'Jaidyn, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name."

[BRISWAN]

Quality thread.

[jono2707]

Nathan Buckley the coach of Collingwood Magpies gets wind of potential young recruit who lives in Iraq. Buckley and the Magpies recruiting Manager catch a plane to the troubled Iraq capital Baghdad and track the young boy down.

They risk life and limb dodging car bombs, bullets and grenades but finally find him and convince him to come to Australia.

The boy does a full pre-season, plays all the practice matches and gets picked on the bench in the seniors for the first game of the year.

Ten minutes into the first quarter, Dane Swan goes down with a severe knee injury. Buckley turns to the boy and says "This is it son, go to the centre half forward and show us what you can do."

The boy proceeds to play the greatest debut game in AFL history. He kicks 9 goals, takes mark of the year, and kicks the winning goal after the siren from outside 50.

The Magpies chair him off the ground and give him three cheers back in the rooms. Buckley tells the team what the boy from Iraq has been through and he is a model lesson for all.

Buckley then pulls the boy aside and says "Go into my office son , ring your Mother and tell her what you did today."

He proceeds to do so. "Mum", he says down the phone, "Guess what I did today?"

"I don't care what you did today." His Mother replies. "I tell you what happened here today", she goes on. "Your Dad was stabbed and robbed, our house was torched, our car blown up, your sister was raped and your brother was abducted."

"Gee" says the boy. "I feel a bit responsible for what happened."

The Mother replies "So you should be, if it wasn't for you we would never have moved to Collingwood."

[aardvark]

What do pies supporters use for protection during sex?................. Bus shelters!

[supersall]

Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
Centrelink was on the other side

What do u say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
I'll have fries with that thanks

2 Collingwood Supporters in a car without any music, who is driving?
The Policeman

What do you call a 30 yr old woman in a Collingwood jumper?
Nanna

You are trapped in a room with a crocodile, a tiger and a Collingwood fan. You have a gun with 2 bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the Collingwood fan ? Twice

What's got 100 legs and 4 teeth?
The front row of the Collingwood cheer squad.

What's the difference between a cactus and the Lexus Centre?
A cactus has pricks on the outside

What do you call a group of Collingwood supporters running off in the same direction?
Jailbreak!

What is the difference between a Pizza and a Collingwood supporter?
Pizza can feed a family of four.

A group of Collingwood supporters are standing on their tip toes up to their necks in water What is the problem?
Not enough water.

How do you know if your house has been robbed by a Collingwood supporter?
Your bins are empty and your dogs pregnant.

What do you call a Collingwood supporter with half a brain?
Gifted.

Could go on, but I won't

[dendol]

What do Collingwood supporters have in common with sperm?

Only 1 in 3,000,000 will ever have a chance to become a human being.

[Roscoe]

Little Johnny starts school in Collingwood. The teacher says" hand up all the collingwood supporters". All the kids in the class except for johnny put their hands up. The teacher said"Johnny, why don't you support Collingwood, who do you support"
Johnny relies " I support Hawthorn"
The teacher said "Why"
Johnny said "because my mum and dad support Hawthorn"
The teacher replies "Johnny you don't have to follow everything that your parents do. What would happen if your mother was a prostitute and a drug addict and your father was a pimp and a gangster"
Johhny said "Well in that case I would be a Collingwood Supporter"

[Roscoe]

A Carlton Supporter, a Collingwood supporter and an Essendon supporter are driving in the countryside and their car breaks down. They can't fix it until tomorrow so they walk to a farm nearby and ask the farmer if he can put them up for the night. The farmer says "OK, but there is only room for 2 of you inside the house, one of you will have to sleep in the barn with the pigs and the skunk"

The Bombers man volunteers to sleep in the barn, but after 10 minutes he can't stand the smell and knocks on the door of the farmhouse

The Carlscum supporter braggs "I'm tough" and goes to the barn, but returns in 15 minutes gasping for breath and vomiting

The Collingwood supporter says "No problem, I'll show you how its done" and goes out to the barn

5 minutes later ther is a knock on the farmhouse door - its the skunk and the pigs !

[Kirkari]

Little Johnny is at school in Collingwood. The teacher says "The word for today is CONTAGIOUS. Does anyone know what that means?".

Johnny puts his hand up. The teacher is pretty surprised and says "Johnny, that's great! Can you use it in a sentence?".

Johnny says, "Yeah. My mum says Dad did his usual rubbish job mowing the lawn and as usual it took the ...".