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Swiped from the Collingwood board ....
M E M O:
Denis Pagan has announced that every player on the senior list at Carlton
is up for trade.
For interested buyers here is a short summary of each player's current
status prepared by the Carlton Football Department:
Matthew Allan - Currently the best ruckman at the club, which is like being
the prettiest woman in Iraq.
Callan Beasy - At this rate will bring up his 100th game in 2037.
Simon Beaumont - I think he once had a good half against someone.
Blake Campbell - I don't know enough about footy to know about him.
Scott Camporeale - Wants out and who could blame him.
Cameron Croad - Recruited under the spastic brother rule.
Justin Davies - Attempted to escape mid-season but only made it as far as
Shepparton before he was caught.
Andrew Eccles - Traded for Kris Massie. Game, set, match. - Adelaide.
Brendan Fevola - Very reliable, strong character. Carlton plan to build a
team around him.
Brad Fisher - Promising forward with bright future if he doesn't get
trampled by Lance.
Simon Fletcher - Hopes to finish his career back with Geelong Reserves if
his form lifts.
Anthony Franchina - Back in the ones. He hasn't improved, everyone else
has got worse.
Scott Freeborn - Supposed to be de-listed in 2001 but the paperwork got
lost.
Barnaby French - Great catching skills, could end up in the Bangladeshi
slip cordon.
Adrian Hickmott - So much happier now.
Ryan Houlihan - One of Carlton's toughest, now doesn't that say something.
Darren Hulme - Unhappy and uncontracted.
Anthony Koutoufides - His knee is as pretty as his wife.
Matthew Lappin - Hates Pagan Loves Beer
Luke Livingston - Will inherit Mick Martyn's position, as League's most
unskilled player.
The Mighty M's - Manton, Martyn, Mathews, McKernan, Merrington, Murphy and
McKenzie - All to be de-listed.
Andrew McKay - In career best form or is it just an illusion? Check the
meaning of contrast to find the answer.
Karl Norman - Like the flowering hibiscus he was born, flourished and faded
all in a single day.
Jim Plunkett - One of the great names in NFL, not so great in the AFL.
Ian Prendergast - Great aerobic capacity which will come in handy chasing
opponents over the next few years.
Brett Ratten - See Adrian Hickmott.
Kade Simpson - "I think I may have over estimated this Simpson fellow" -
Montgomery C. Burns, Dental Plan episode.
Trent Sporn - They say he's great, I say how do you know?
Bret Thornton - I'm confused, who's better him or Wiggins.
Simon Wiggins - I'm confused, who's better him or Thornton.
Jarrad Waite - Courageous lad. Has had to overcome the personal tragedy of
playing for Carlton.
Lance Whitnall - Carlton fans love him and there'll be more of him to love
in 2004. And a lot more in 2005.
Laurence Angwin - My client pleads not guilty Your Honour.
Tom Hedge - Who??
Jon McCormick - Good young lad, should get out while he can.
Sean O'Keefe - Has done enough to get de-listed and re-drafted again.
Michael Stinear - No idea who he is but he must still be a chance to win
the Carlton B&F this year.
M E M O:
Denis Pagan has announced that every player on the senior list at Carlton
is up for trade.
For interested buyers here is a short summary of each player's current
status prepared by the Carlton Football Department:
Matthew Allan - Currently the best ruckman at the club, which is like being
the prettiest woman in Iraq.
Callan Beasy - At this rate will bring up his 100th game in 2037.
Simon Beaumont - I think he once had a good half against someone.
Blake Campbell - I don't know enough about footy to know about him.
Scott Camporeale - Wants out and who could blame him.
Cameron Croad - Recruited under the spastic brother rule.
Justin Davies - Attempted to escape mid-season but only made it as far as
Shepparton before he was caught.
Andrew Eccles - Traded for Kris Massie. Game, set, match. - Adelaide.
Brendan Fevola - Very reliable, strong character. Carlton plan to build a
team around him.
Brad Fisher - Promising forward with bright future if he doesn't get
trampled by Lance.
Simon Fletcher - Hopes to finish his career back with Geelong Reserves if
his form lifts.
Anthony Franchina - Back in the ones. He hasn't improved, everyone else
has got worse.
Scott Freeborn - Supposed to be de-listed in 2001 but the paperwork got
lost.
Barnaby French - Great catching skills, could end up in the Bangladeshi
slip cordon.
Adrian Hickmott - So much happier now.
Ryan Houlihan - One of Carlton's toughest, now doesn't that say something.
Darren Hulme - Unhappy and uncontracted.
Anthony Koutoufides - His knee is as pretty as his wife.
Matthew Lappin - Hates Pagan Loves Beer
Luke Livingston - Will inherit Mick Martyn's position, as League's most
unskilled player.
The Mighty M's - Manton, Martyn, Mathews, McKernan, Merrington, Murphy and
McKenzie - All to be de-listed.
Andrew McKay - In career best form or is it just an illusion? Check the
meaning of contrast to find the answer.
Karl Norman - Like the flowering hibiscus he was born, flourished and faded
all in a single day.
Jim Plunkett - One of the great names in NFL, not so great in the AFL.
Ian Prendergast - Great aerobic capacity which will come in handy chasing
opponents over the next few years.
Brett Ratten - See Adrian Hickmott.
Kade Simpson - "I think I may have over estimated this Simpson fellow" -
Montgomery C. Burns, Dental Plan episode.
Trent Sporn - They say he's great, I say how do you know?
Bret Thornton - I'm confused, who's better him or Wiggins.
Simon Wiggins - I'm confused, who's better him or Thornton.
Jarrad Waite - Courageous lad. Has had to overcome the personal tragedy of
playing for Carlton.
Lance Whitnall - Carlton fans love him and there'll be more of him to love
in 2004. And a lot more in 2005.
Laurence Angwin - My client pleads not guilty Your Honour.
Tom Hedge - Who??
Jon McCormick - Good young lad, should get out while he can.
Sean O'Keefe - Has done enough to get de-listed and re-drafted again.
Michael Stinear - No idea who he is but he must still be a chance to win
the Carlton B&F this year.
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