Pie Jokes

[AnnieH]

Love this thread.
Can we frame it please?

[ScottH]

Little Johnny is at school in Collingwood. The teacher says "The word for today is CONTAGIOUS. Does anyone know what that means?".

Johnny puts his hand up. The teacher is pretty surprised and says "Johnny, that's great! Can you use it in a sentence?".

Johnny says, "Yeah. My mum says Dad did his usual rubbish job mowing the lawn and as usual it took the ...".

[Norris Lurker]

An antique collector in walks into a store in a place called Hamlyn. He sees a small brass rat on the shelf. After looking for any other bargains in the store, he decides he wants to buy the rat. He asks the storekeeper ?How much for the brass rat??
The storekeeper says ?Ten dollars for the rat. One hundred and twenty dollars for the story about the brass rat.?
The guy says ?What?s the story??
The storekeeper says ?I wont tell you unless you give me a hundred and twenty dollars.?
The collector says ?Skip the story?, pays for the rat, and walks out of the store. He puts the rat in his backpack and starts riding his bike across the nearest bridge.
A short time later, the guy looks behind him and sees a rat following him. This strikes him as odd, but not unheard of, so he pedals on. A moment later he hears cars honking behind him and turns around to see a pack of about a dozen rats following him. He turns and pedals faster. Finally, as he nears the other side of the bridge he looks behind him and sees hundreds of rats chasing him. He concludes that the rats must be chasing the brass rat and decides this is too much. He stops his bike, pulls the rat from his pack and throws it off the bridge into the river. He watches as the huge pack of rats jump off the bridge and drown. Relieved but curious, the guy pedals back to the antique store.
The storekeeper sees him come in, shakes his head, and says ?You should have bought the story. You can still have it for one hundred and twenty dollars.?
The guy shakes his head and says ?Forget the story. How much for the brass Collingwood Supporter?

[Danzar]

I posted this somewhere a while back but it works better in this thread - even funnier because it's true. Stampede at Collingwood cosmetics sale | Herald Sun

Never get between a pies supporter and something that could make them look pretty, particularly when it's free.

[Danzar]

Always liked this one as well.

Collingwood Magpies
MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION FORM

NAME??????????????????????????.( 2 mistakes allowed )

NAME??????????????????????????.( 2nd chance )

ADDRESS?????????????????????????????????...
(this means what is the name of the street your house is in and what is your house number.
If unsure of either ? check the phone book for details but look under your own name or you will get it wrong.)

If address unknown ? put a tick here:????..

DATE OF BIRTH????????????..
(What day does everybody sing happy birthday to you?)

AGE?????..
(How many years have they been singing it to you?)

MOTHER?S NAME?????????.???????....(Mum will NOT do. What is her REAL name?)

FATHER?S NAME ( if known )??????????????????????...( NO SWEARING )

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? YES / NO
IS IT YOURS? YES / NO

REGISTRATION NUMBER???????????.(found on the piece of tin hanging from the bumper bar)

DO YOU HAVE A DRIVERS LICENCE? YES / NO
IS IT YOURS? YES / NO
ARE YOU WEARING MAGGIES CLOTHING ON LICENCE PHOTO? YES / NO

COULD YOU DRIVE PLAYERS, MATCH COMMITTEE OR OTHER SUPPORTERS TO:
a) HOME GAMES YES / NO
b) AWAY GAMES (to keep costs down) YES / NO

DO YOU HAVE A WASHING MACHINE? YES / NO
WOULD YOU BE PREPARED TO HELP WASH OUR TEAM FOOTY GEAR? YES / NO
(tick which??..socks?.shorts?.guernseys?.jockstraps?.han kies?.bandages ?. )

DO YOU OWN A BEACH SHACK? YES / NO
COULD WE USE IT FOR THE PLAYERS ?END OF SEASON TRIP?? YES / NO

DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN? YES / NO
ARE THEY YOURS? YES / NO
WOULD ANY OF THEM BE INTERESTED IN PLAYING FOR THE MAGGIES? YES / NO
a) BOYS YES / NO
b) GIRLS YES / NO
HOW OLD ARE THEY? 1 ? 10, 11 ? 20, 21 ? 30, 31 ? 40, or don?t know?

DO YOU HAVE ANY LARGE FOOTBALL TROPHIES (no name tags ) THAT YOU WOULD BE
WILLING TO DONATE TO THE CLUB FOR OUR TROPHY CABINET? YES / NO

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN ATTENDING OUR END OF SEASON DINNER? YES / NO
COULD YOU BRING ANYTHING ALONG ON THE NIGHT?
(e.g. fairy bread, party pies, cordial, plastic cups, jelly ) YES / NO

ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? YES / NO
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO LEAD OUR SUPPORTERS IN PRAYER:
a) BEFORE HOME GAMES? YES / NO
b) BEFORE AWAY GAMES? YES / NO
c) BEFORE WE PLAY THE EAGLES? YES / NO
d) START TO FINISH OF A EAGLES GAME? YES /NO

PART TWO ? I.Q TEST

1) PICK THE TV SHOW (circle the right name from the clues given )

BLANKETY______________ Cheque / Blanket / Blanks / Donation / don?t know
I DREAM OF_____________ a premiership / Chris Judd / Jeannie / having money / don?t know
STAR TREK, THE NEXT____ Footy Show / AFL team / AFL Draft / Generation / don?t know
GET_____________________ John Worsfold / Lost / rid of Malthouse / Smart / don?t know
HEY HEY IT?S ___________ a June Premiership / smoko / Saturday / another defeat / don?t know
WHO WANTS TO BE _____ a Millionaire / a Collingwood member / stupid / Leon Davis / don?t know

2) PICK THE ODD ONE OUT ( circle the odd one from the lists below )

FEBRUARY 30th / MAY 38th / JUNE 40th / OCTOBER 33rd / APRIL 1st / don?t know
SPOON / SOON / MOON / BOON / CHEESE / GOON / SWOON / don?t know
A, B, C, D, 4, E, F, G, H, I, don?t know
WOEWODIN / ROCCA / CLEMENT / BUCKLEY / HOLLAND / (one wasn?t poached from another club)
MCG / SCG / AAMI STADIUM / SUBIACO / GABBA / WEMBLEY / don?t know

3) WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE?
?I THINKS THE MAGPIES IS THE BESTEST TEAM IN OSTRAYLIA?

IS IT:
a) BAD SPELING
b) BAD GRAMMA
c) BAD GRANDMA
d) DON?T KNOW


To find out if your membership application has been successful, please put a stamp on both sides of an envelope and leave one side blank. We will advise you by return mail.


BONUS: Please list in order your preferred complimentary Collingwood Membership Surgery that comes with every successful membership application. We will try to allocate you a bed in an appropriate hospital, as one becomes available.

a) MOUTH ENLARGEMENT. b) ONE EYE REMOVED.( left or right ) c) BRAIN REMOVED

GOOD LUCK

[Jewels]

I posted this somewhere a while back but it works better in this thread - even funnier because it's true. Stampede at Collingwood cosmetics sale | Herald Sun

Never get between a pies supporter and something that could make them look pretty, particularly when it's free.

Shame there were no accompanying photos!

[ScottH]

Shame there were no accompanying photos!

Actually, I'm glad there weren't any!!

[AnnieH]

Danzar.
That application form is gold.
First time I've seen it.

[Nico]

I know a cracking Pies joke that is far too blue for this site.

[Nico]

Not to bright Collingwood supporter rings up his local Chinese Restaurant. " You do Takeaway, yes we do takeaway, good, what's seven minus 3.

[PerthSwannie]

Pie Joke = Dane Swan

[Roscoe]

A young child is being attacked by a vicious dog in the park. A man nearby rescues the child from further injury. At the same time a newspaper reporter witnesses the incident and proclaims the man as a hero. The reporter says " Tomorrow's headline - St Kilda supporter is a hero as he saves
a child's life". The man says "I don't follow the Saints" The reporter changes his story " North Melbourne supporter risks all to help injured child".
The man says " I don't support The Kangaroo's either". The reporter asks "who do you follow" The man says "Collingwood"
The front page of the Herald Sun the next day reads

"LOWLIFE SCUM ASSAULTS FAMILY PET - RSPCA TO INVESTIGATE"

[Bloody Hell]

Pie Joke = Dane Swan

This wasn't particularly funny....but it is now.