How to become the collingwood office player

[swansrule100]

How to be the collingwood office player

1. Throw a ball in the air, tell your mate in the office to mark it and you just stand and watch him. Do this 20 times, make sure you watch all 20 marks. Once completed you've now become Jason Cloke.

2. Grab a biscuit from the office's tea room, as you walk back to your desk slip over and drop the biscuit. Have your work mate pick up the biscuit eat it, throw the crumbs at you and then tell you how good it was. Once completed you've become Rhyce Shaw (strong preference that a work mate by the name of Jonathon Brown eats the biscuit).

3. Go see your supervisor, tell him that you're upset other people have gotten a promotion. When he says bad luck, cry on his shoulder. Do this twice, once completed you've now become Paul Licuria.

4. Walk around the office, and scrounge through everyone's drawers.
Gather all useless stationary. Pick up 30 to 35 useless items/possessions. Once completed you've become Nathan Buckley.

5. Walk past your boss raise the elbow and smack him in the jaw. Once completed you'll be given two weeks notice, lost your job ... and you've become Anthony Rocca.

6. Have your President consistently complain about another company which has a competitive advantage of tariff relief. Do this 1000 times and you are now Eddie McGuire.

[Schneidergirl]

Surely you could have posted one about Brodie Holland... that's an easy one

[swansrule100]

Originally posted by Schneidergirl
Surely you could have posted one about Brodie Holland... that's an easy one

i didnt write it :P i liked the forward i got on carlton last year the new flavour stock

first theres beef
then chicken
and now laughing stock (with a carlton logo) ok u had to be there

[ScottH]

THANKYOU COLLINGWOOD

I got this one late last year!!

May I take this opportunity to thank everyone involved with the Collingwood
Football Club for providing such a glorious ending to an otherwise bleak
season.

Thank you to Anthony Rocca for elbowing Brendan Lade in the head. It not
only cost the team big time during the match itself, but the unsuccessful
tribunal appearance and subsequent failed appeal ensured we didn't have to
wait until game day for footage of despondent and heartbroken Collingwood
officials.

Two losing tribunal hearings complete with the obligatory images of
'shattered' club officials (and doesn't Neal Balme do a great shattered?)
was the perfect lead-up to the last bit Saturday in September.

Thank you to Nathan Buckley for looking so insanely 'focused' all week. Even
when winning the Brownlow, Nathan's jaw was set in a manly grimace as he
stared intently into the middle-distance. The message was clear: the
Collingwood Football Club considers the upcoming Grand Final to be of
supreme, utter and absolute importance.

Which makes the fact that they got hammered by nearly 10 goals so much
sweeter.

Thank you to Eddie McGuire for reminding us all season long of the greatness
of the Collingwood Football Club. There is something undeniably joyous in
the thought that the best club with the best
song/jumper/coach/president/heritage/supporters/sponsors/cash flow has the
worst grand final record in VFL/AFL history.

Gee, that sounds so nice I think I'll say it again. The worst grand final
record in VFL/AFL history.

Thank you to all those Collingwood supporters who deserted their team en
masse from halfway through the third quarter. The Collingwood Army must have
been watching the same training films the Italian Army was privy to during
the Second World War.

Thank you to Simon Black, Jason Akermanis and Michael Voss for showing us
all how a Brownlow Medallist should play in the biggest game of the year.

Thank you to Rhyce Shaw for handing the ball straight to Lynch 40m out from
goal. Ditto to Tristan Walker for palming the ball directly to Caracella 15m
out from goal. These little moments of comedic improvisation can really make
a day at the footy something special.

Thank you to the members of the Collingwood Cheer Squad (who, by the way,
are all far too advanced in years to be doing this sort of thing) for just
being there in the car park as I left the ground.

Boy, they take their footy seriously. By the looks on their faces as they
were slumped against their 1971 Toyota Hi Ace van, you'd think they'd just
seen their club fail to win their 11th Grand Final from the previous 12
attempts.

Thank you to Brisbane for losing their Qualifying Final to Collingwood.
False hope is so cruel an affliction you wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Except, of course, a Collingwood supporter.

And finally, thankyou to the God of Irony for inspiring the author of the
Collingwood club song to include the immortal lyric 'Oh, the Premiership's
a cakewalk'.

No wonder Collingwood hates the rest of us!!

[ScottH]

Another email I got back in late 2002, was that the wobbles had signed a new sponsor::





KLEENEX TISSUES!!!!! (Sob Sook Sob)

[ScottH]

Did you see the picture in the HS on Monday??


Two Iraqi kids and an Aussie Soldier. The kids are holding a small cardboard sign and smiling.

The sign reads: "We know Collingwood are crap".

[Bleed Red Blood]

Originally posted by hemsleys
Did you see the picture in the HS on Monday??


Two Iraqi kids and an Aussie Soldier. The kids are holding a small cardboard sign and smiling.

The sign reads: "We know Collingwood are crap".

Twas a nice photo that one.

[swansrule100]

the idiots in the paper thought it was real too.... but its off the net u can put whatever u want on the sign!

[Hannahpants]

What about losing some teeth and growing a bit of a mullet?

[ScottH]

Originally posted by Hannahpants
What about losing some teeth and growing a bit of a mullet?

And wear a gold jacket and a doofus hat!!

[Hannahpants]

Originally posted by hemsleys
And wear a gold jacket and a doofus hat!!

lol my bad, I forgot- to be a true feral you have to package yourself appropriately.

[swan_song]

Speaking of Buckley, I believe it must really eat away at him, deep down -- though he'd never admit it -- knowing that he was enticed away from a team that will live in football history as one of the best ever, to a bunch of uglies, losers and cry-babies...
Even the great BS said he'd give away his 3 Brownlows to have one premiership medal...